23. Callum Latimer

Callum Latimer, aka the Flabberghasting Coelacanth-man

23. Callum Latimer

Mr. Latimer, a whitebread suburban dad, lived a perfectly ordinary life until his wife became pregnant with their second child. The Latimers timed their annual scuba diving vacation in Sulawesi to coincide with their gender reveal party, which was to be the most spectacular underwater event of its kind ever: entirely under water, with the whole family in scuba gear and filmed by an underwater camera crew*. However, Mr. Latimer forgot to check for wild animals and was attacked by a coelacanth, which had previously swum through an illegal dump of radioactive waste.

Predictably, Mr. Latimer now has the proportional strength of a coelacanth, which isn’t saying much becasuse coelacanths are about the size of a full-grown human. He has also developed coelacanth super powers, which include the ability to breathe under water, sit very quietly on the ocean floor for hours on end, and store urea in his flesh without needing to filter it out through his kidneys, which is good because he no longer has any. He enjoys having a swim bladder because he can dive deeper, faster and go to the surface quickly whenever he likes. He does not enjoy smelling vaguely of urine, but you gotta work with the hand you’ve been dealt, right?

As for the gender of the child, they’re all grown up now and have asked to keep this information private.

* I don’t know if pregnant women are supposed to scuba dive. If not, assume the necessary accommodations were made and neither the mom nor the unborn child were ever in any danger, thanks.

Based on this Tweet by Katherine Cross